That was my first thought as I woke up today. And then absolute, uncontrollable panic. I don't know why it affects me this way. I do know that it's irrational, but that awareness only makes me more frustrated. I turn 26 this November, and birthdays, mine in particular, remind me that time is passing and that I'm not where I want to be or who I want to be yet. It's insane, I'm aware. I have plenty of time, and there is no need to feel rushed or behind, or be focusing on these negative thoughts - I know.
So on the drive home from dropping Elise at school, I was trying to gift myself a day, today, to do whatever I thought could change my mood. I was relieving myself of the supper dishes from last night that are still in the sink, and the laundry that hasn't been touched all week, and the guilt that comes with all of that. "It'll be there later, what do you really want to do, right now..." Except I could think of nothing. I didn't want to shop, or go for coffee, or come home and read, or catch up on Grey's. Nothing sounded good, and I was resigning myself to this mood.
And then..
THIS came on the radio. And I turned it up LOUD. And I car-danced my heart out, not even cooling it a level when I passed other cars.
And I could see the pink in the sky, and I knew I just needed a tea and a shower, and maybe to write this. And that I'm not as deep as I sometimes perceive myself. ;)
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