I thought this was going to be well thought out, and organized. Or I'd hoped it would be. But it's not going to be like that. I'm all blocked up. Of all the blocks, and yes, I thought this through, cheese is my favorite. Sidewalk blocks are helpful, obviously, and the girls like the lego type. Hmm... I think I need tea and cigarettes.
Ok, I'm ALIVE. I can make choices. I can change my course. That's all pretty lucky. Where though, is the balance between "grabbing the bull by the horns" and "not making rash decisions"? I want to live my one, wild and precious life. I thought I wanted to live it without regret, doesn't everyone want that? Well, I think I fucked that one up. Good thing it wasn't my only aspiration? Or something. And where does one draw the line between pleasing oneself and appeasing one's loved ones. One, Ones, One one ones one. At what point can I just say, "this is what I want, who I am. I can give the explanation but I can't help you to understand it".
My therapist wears a distracting wig. For real. It's just so wig-ish. Why do they have to look like that? Poor wig-wearers.
Judgement is a part of day to day life. I'm not being avant-garde when I say I wish it weren't. There is no worst kind of judgement. But I will be the first to say, it sucks when your family thinks you're off your rocker. Major sucks.
Time is supposed to heal all. But what about the people who don't get enough time? Missing you Matt, and trying to live better in your honor. You would have done this so much more gracefully than I am. Not fair.
"I'm walking but I don't know where to turn..."