Monday, November 18, 2013
•Clubs are too loud
•I'm going to let my grey hairs stay because I think I'm cool enough to pull it off.
•I'm not at all cool enough.
•Concerts are too loud.
•I think a lot about savings accounts.
•Sirens are too loud.
•I budget for things like therapy and home renovations.
•Vacuum cleaners are too loud.
•I am obsessed with vacuum cleaner reviews and trying to find the perfect vacuum for the best price.
•I use anti-aging moisturizer.
•My kids are too loud.
•I can't find boot socks in any store, likely because boot socks are totally two winters ago.
•I still want some anyway.
•The mall is too loud.
•I call 24 year olds "kids".
•I make my bed.
•Motorcycles are too loud.
•Motorcycles are also basically a death sentence.
•30 is a real, actual number.
•I wear a puffer coat and I don't give a fuck.
•I gain 5lbs for every chicken finger I eat.
•I don't like to run in the winter mostly because I'm afraid to slip.
•Movies are too loud.
•I cry at every one of my child's school assemblies, and I haven't pinpointed why.
•School assemblies are loud.
•I have bags under my eyes. Always.
Friday, November 1, 2013
It's November 1st.
That was my first thought as I woke up today. And then absolute, uncontrollable panic. I don't know why it affects me this way. I do know that it's irrational, but that awareness only makes me more frustrated. I turn 26 this November, and birthdays, mine in particular, remind me that time is passing and that I'm not where I want to be or who I want to be yet. It's insane, I'm aware. I have plenty of time, and there is no need to feel rushed or behind, or be focusing on these negative thoughts - I know.
So on the drive home from dropping Elise at school, I was trying to gift myself a day, today, to do whatever I thought could change my mood. I was relieving myself of the supper dishes from last night that are still in the sink, and the laundry that hasn't been touched all week, and the guilt that comes with all of that. "It'll be there later, what do you really want to do, right now..." Except I could think of nothing. I didn't want to shop, or go for coffee, or come home and read, or catch up on Grey's. Nothing sounded good, and I was resigning myself to this mood.
THIS came on the radio. And I turned it up LOUD. And I car-danced my heart out, not even cooling it a level when I passed other cars.
And I could see the pink in the sky, and I knew I just needed a tea and a shower, and maybe to write this. And that I'm not as deep as I sometimes perceive myself. ;)