"I don't know why I haven't figured out how to make this blog a priority. I enjoy it, other people can do it - so what's my deal?"
That's the kind of inner monologue I try really hard to ignore. But sometimes the negativity overcomes, and maybe then, is when I really need to think about the WHY. Why am I feeling this anxiety over something so trivial? I don't want to turn this post into some sort of mental health analysis, but I do want to address that overwhelming feeling of "Why can't I do it all?" that I know we have all dealt with from time to time.
I have this constant need for change. It actually feeds pretty well into my other constant need for a "project", most of the time. But sometimes I take a step back and realize "What the hell am I thinking I can refinish my dining room set and a dresser, get the body I want, make 100 handmade Christmas ornaments, train my puppy, raise two children, make our home, and shower every day for?!" That's like, 3 full time jobs in there. For real. No wonder things start to go slack and the walls* start to feel tighter.
All that to say, that I really do love to write, here and in general, but everything in it's own time. A beautiful friend recently reminded me that I am only going to be the mother of small children for so much longer, and while I'd love to be able to document each and every moment with eloquent sentences and breath-taking photos - sometimes I'd also just like to BE IN those moments.
So I will continue to be an infrequent and random blogger, and probably also a person who continually puts too much onto her own plate, but I will be sure to take the time to reflect and silence the self degradation when it occasionally requires silencing. We all do the best we can with what we have. And I have these two, which is, basically, totally unfair for the rest of you. Sorry. ;)
*The walls. My clothes. Whatever.