Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Grow Slowly

 We had a party, and it was fabulous.

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Favorite people, favorite treats, favorite colors, favorite activities.

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 I thought I should blog for her last night, but no words would come. It still didn't feel real. We woke up early for school this morning, she opened her presents and we played most of the day with them. I wished her a Happy Birthday several times, called her my Birthday Girl and took her out for her dinner of choice. The Servers sang and she blew out another candle, this time on a brownie. We talked about the day she came into our lives, how we felt, how her Sister reacted. She loves when we talk about that, we both do. Her Daddy put her to bed and I spent about an hour feeling really restless. Now, I've lit some cinnamon-y candles, put on some mellow writing music, but the truth is, it still doesn't feel real. That she's been here, in her olive-toned and soft body, in my life, for four whole years. And at the same time it feels like she's always been.

 This is the year where she'll lose all her baby, she might learn to swim, she'll go to preschool and make her own friends. She'll start to pronounce more words like a big girl. Her feet will grow. How I wish they wouldn't, that they would stay wide, chubby little baby feet that I would always want to nibble on. Maybe she'll stop being so picky, too, about her food, and her outfits, and her books and her shows. Maybe she won't.

 I think it doesn't feel real because I'm not really ready for it to be real. While I look forward to learning even more about her in the coming months, I'm just a little tied to who she was over the past twelve, the past 48. Good thing she seemed just like my same old girl today.

So here's to taking it slow Baby Girl. Grow Slowly so my heart can take it. Happy 4th Birthday Tessa Winter Jacqueline, you sweet and stubborn baby.

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