You guys, Mariah Carey potentially saved my life this morning..

It's November 1st. 

That was my first thought as I woke up today. And then absolute, uncontrollable panic. I don't know why it affects me this way. I do know that it's irrational, but that awareness only makes me more frustrated. I turn 26 this November, and birthdays, mine in particular, remind me that time is passing and that I'm not where I want to be or who I want to be yet. It's insane, I'm aware. I have plenty of time, and there is no need to feel rushed or behind, or be focusing on these negative thoughts - I know. 

So on the drive home from dropping Elise at school, I was trying to gift myself a day, today, to do whatever I thought could change my mood. I was relieving myself of the supper dishes from last night that are still in the sink, and the laundry that hasn't been touched all week, and the guilt that comes with all of that. "It'll be there later, what do you really want to do, right now..." Except I could think of nothing. I didn't want to shop, or go for coffee, or come home and read, or catch up on Grey's. Nothing sounded good, and I was resigning myself to this mood. 

And then..

THIS came on the radio. And I turned it up LOUD. And I car-danced my heart out, not even cooling it a level when I passed other cars. 

And I could see the pink in the sky, and I knew I just needed a tea and a shower, and maybe to write this. And that I'm not as deep as I sometimes perceive myself.  ;)

Stay you.

When you asked to cut your hair this Spring, I hesitated. I wanted to beg you not to. It's so fine and it grows so slowly. But I reminded myself to let you be you, and off we went to the salon. I liked the cut, but I couldn't have prepared myself for how grown up it made you seem. You loved it. I thought it would be a phase, and you'd let it grow back out, but no. You wanted it cut again before your birthday. I dig that, kiddo. I think it's really fricken sweet how you know what you like.



 You choose to play the piano and to join the swim team, even when all your friends choose dance or gymnastics or soccer. Your favourite color is green, and you listen to some of the coolest music on the planet. You think it's pretty much the luckiest thing ever that you have a freckle on your right hand, because it's a constant reminder for you of what's left and what's right. You love your friends, and your sister and your Daddy and your Nana all so big. We feel it Babe, we know your love and we are grateful.



You weigh 41lbs. You ride in a booster seat in the car now, and you are super proud of it. You learned how to swim AND how to ride your bike without training wheels this summer! You read better than some adults. Like, seriously child, you have a gift. You've had a slightly loose tooth for months, and you are getting so impatient waiting for it to fall out. You are FUNNY! And it's because of how smart you are. You can make up a fierce pun on the fly, kid. You are still fidgety, and you probably always will be. Fidgety body, fidgety soul. I'll take the credit for that when you're ready to lay blame.




We made a big decision together about your school this year. You chose to give up your friends, and all the familiarity of last year, and switch to a different school - just so you can learn to speak French. Someday you will know just how brave of a choice that was for a 5 year old girl to make. I am proud beyond measure.

As you embark on the adventure of French Immersion first grade, and you make bunches of new friends, and they think that One Direction is the coolest band, and that sparkly pink is the prettiest color - remember that it's okay. It's okay to disagree, it's cool even. Different is so good. You are special, you are are perfectly you, and that is especially perfect.

*Remember also, to wash your hands - every chance you get, with soap. And to be kind to every single person. No matter what, you treat everyone with kindness and an open mind. If someone does something that isn't kind, you forgive them, and treat them with even more kindness. 6 years old is too early to start giving up on people, okay Babe? 

You're going to do so well, you're going to be so great at this 6-year-old-first-grader thing.



Love, Mama.

Calendar Claustrophobia, and a Summer Photoshoot.

You know the people who are really great at keeping busy? They have something on the go every weekend, and most days of the week? It makes them feel productive, or satisfied or whatever.

I am the very opposite of those people. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the anticipation of an upcoming weekend trip, or the hustle bustle of taxiing my kids to their different extra-curriculars (I really do), but for the most part - I thrive on spontaneity. I'm not talking crazy let's hop a plane to anywhere spontaneity (although, if I had the ability...) I'm just saying I like to decide how to spend each day when we wake up in the morning. I like to get in the car, not really sure where we are headed. The idea of a full calendar gives me major anxiety, claustrophobia almost. A flexible schedule has been a huge part of my adult life thus far, I am lucky enough to stay at home with my children, and for the most part we do as we please. However, I am increasingly aware that, for us, this chapter is coming to a close. Elise will be in school full time come September, and Tessa will be at PreK 3 days a week. I am currently partway through the enrollment process for some courses that will start in January. AND THEN I WILL HAVE/WANT TO GET A JOB!

I am both crazy-excited and crazy-terrified at all of those prospects. It will be good, I know, forward motion is good. But I can't help but feel a bit winded at the idea of not being able to just pick up and head to the water, or the city on a whim. That makes me sound spoiled, perhaps, but it's honest..

*now, imagine a beautiful, eloquent transition into how quickly time is passing and how the girls are growing*

When we collected Elise from school this afternoon, we had an hour to kill before piano lessons. I have very recently picked up my dslr after an extended hiatus (blame Instagram) and I thought it would be perfect to grab it and head down to the water with the girls for a quick shoot. They have changed so much since I last took quality photos of them. Luckily, they were super cooperative and the results are pretty lovely indeed, so here's a taste.








She vogued all on her own, I swear.