Stream of Consciousness

I thought this was going to be well thought out, and organized. Or I'd hoped it would be. But it's not going to be like that. I'm all blocked up. Of all the blocks, and yes, I thought this through, cheese is my favorite. Sidewalk blocks are helpful, obviously, and the girls like the lego type. Hmm... I think I need tea and cigarettes.

Ok, I'm ALIVE. I can make choices. I can change my course. That's all pretty lucky. Where though, is the balance between "grabbing the bull by the horns" and "not making rash decisions"? I want to live my one, wild and precious life. I thought I wanted to live it without regret, doesn't everyone want that? Well, I think I fucked that one up. Good thing it wasn't my only aspiration? Or something. And where does one draw the line between pleasing oneself and appeasing one's loved ones. One, Ones, One one ones one. At what point can I just say, "this is what I want, who I am. I can give the explanation but I can't help you to understand it".

My therapist wears a distracting wig. For real. It's just so wig-ish. Why do they have to look like that? Poor wig-wearers.

Judgement is a part of day to day life. I'm not being avant-garde when I say I wish it weren't. There is no worst kind of judgement. But I will be the first to say, it sucks when your family thinks you're off your rocker. Major sucks.

Time is supposed to heal all. But what about the people who don't get enough time? Missing you Matt, and trying to live better in your honor. You would have done this so much more gracefully than I am. Not fair.

"I'm walking but I don't know where to turn..."

This WILL be good.

for Julie, to read when she can't eat.

I have never waited for anything. I'm all about instant gratification. Unfortunately, sometimes I end up more disappointed than gratified. I've also, always got a "new, big idea", and while I'm the type to actually move forward, it usually ends up being something I wasn't sure I wanted in the first place and ends up causing more stress than it was worth.

Well, I'm making a change. I want something. So bad. I have more clarity than I've ever felt. I HAVE to wait for it. It's going to be really, really hard. Getting there, and waiting. I know it's right for me, I know it will be awesome. I'm terrified.

Just Words for Elise.

Elise is sensitive, temperamental, soulful. She has a dainty frame and her hair is out of control. Her eyes are deep and wise.

She'll choose purple even if everyone else chooses pink, because she knows it's ok to be different as long as you're true and happy. Her spirit is so much my own.

She prefers soft, sweet music for driving. She thinks rain is special. She thinks the sun is the most special.

There are so many things I hope she does. I hope she doesn't always over think, like her Mama. But I hope she over thinks sometimes, when it's big. (I'm over thinking that thought).

I know she'll be accepting, and forgiving. But I hope she's not naive. I hope she has the time to make mistakes and figure out who she is rather than be forced to choose who she *needs* to be. Even if she'd make the right choice. I hope she always has as much fun as I do. I hope she has a best friend, who never lets her down. I hope she knows I will love her and stand up for her rights, ideas and decisions, unconditionally. I hope she always matches her hair bows to her socks, no matter what the rest of her outfit looks like, and I hope nobody ever makes fun of her for it.

I hope she is confident.

I hope she always knows that she changed my life for the better.

Funk

The song playing does the least to describe my mood lately of any song possible. But that's why I chose it. Now trust me when I say that, on any given day, someone complaining about the weather does a great job of making my eyes roll. Um, you can't control it - so get over it. Well, I'm trying my damndest (Corrine-ism) to get over it, I am. But the funk my little family is feeling lately has a lot to do with the fact that we can't set foot outside for more than a minute without getting frost bitten on any exposed skin. There has been nothing but solid white skies for days. And we have all been watching FAR too much TV.



Now before anyone points any fingers - I will come out and say that, yes, my funk likely has something to do with this past Saturday night as well. How is it that at 23 years of age, one night of hard partying leaves me with an entire week of recovering to do? I am seriously a hot mess. I forgot to put socks on this morning before leaving the house, had them in my hand and everything when I got to the Jeep. Did I mention how effing cold it is here? All that to say, OH MY LORD. It was worth it. I may never consume another drop of alcohol for the rest of my days (this is a lie and we all know it, and now I sound like a total Lush) and my face may never stop I-smiled-so-much-aching but I will die knowing that I have had more fun in one evening than one could hope to have in a lifetime. It was that good.

Anyway, we are making the best of our lack of Vitamin D I guess. Along with all the TV, there is plenty of Play-doh happening around here as well.




She is wearing the rubber from the base of the dog dish as a necklace. If you would like accessorizing advice, please give us a call anytime.

There are also the usual day to day random things going on as well, of course.



The dog is getting gigantic. Which is to be expected, I suppose. But he is also a complete lunatic. Hopefully, after his surgery that will go unmentioned by name, he will be able to change my mind about also having him labotomised.



To conclude with the same amount of random as the rest of this post includes, here are some cute shots of the girls' new haircuts. Now be a Dear and wish me the best on fully recovering from this hellish hangover as soon as possible. Happy March.

You know she looks just like me.

And thou shalt in thy daughter see,
This picture, once, resembled thee.
~Ambrose Philips


8:47 am, January 29th, 2009. 8lbs, 8oz. Looking so much like her big sister it made it hard to choose a name for her.

It still breaks my heart to think that I missed out on the joy she was meant to bring me the first few weeks. This girl was not an easy baby and I was not a healthy Mama. But we made it, and it was 3 days before she turned six weeks old that the sun came shinning through. Like hormonal balance, infection healing, found-the-right-formula magic. And, Girl's been bringing it ever since.


Three months old. Photo shoot with Mommy while Elise napped.


Six months old. In the same puppy onesie that all my Dad's granbabies thus far had been photographed in.


9 months old. Halloween - Cheer Bear.


On her first Birthday.


15 months old. This was the day we went to meet Baby Fiona.


18 months old. First Haircut, looking like Victoria Beckham.


21 months old. Enjoying a warm October evening.


1 week before her Second Birthday.

Tessa Winter Jacqueline, each day, you bring me the Sun. Happy Birthday Baby.

Overscheduled. But Happy.

Well. Given the amount of time since I last posted, it's apparent that not only have we been COMPLETELY non-stop go, but also that I can procrastinate like no other. I hope everyone had an awesome holiday season and has started the New Year off on the right foot.



We were able to spend Christmas with most of the family, but were a bit sad not to see my sisters' families or my Dad and his wife. Thankfully, we hope to have plenty of visiting opportunities coming up in Jan/Feb as both Tessa and my niece Grace's birthdays are fast approaching!

Yeah, that's right - my BABY is going to be 2.


This little baby right here.

And we are going to party hard babe! All her besties are comin' - like Nana, Kyle, Aunties, Sissy ;) and all the little turkeys too! We can't wait. I, mostly cannot wait for her to don this little number!



I have been feeling the need to fill 2011 with some Julie things, not to say that the Mommy things aren't wonderful and enriching, but Julie is coming out on fire in 2011. For real. I started with new hair on New Year's eve and it felt great. Now I'm kicking this muffin top all the way back to the bakery and you'd better believe I will ROCK my wedding dress by September. Hell, I might even rock a bikini by June. Yep, it's happening folks.

What else? My Big (not literally) Baby started Dance class last week and boy, can she make a leotard look AWESOME!



She is loving it so far, and talking about her little friends non-stop. She still says that Sullivan is her best friend any time you ask her, even though they haven't seen each other since September and the feeling might not be reciprocated. We'll have to watch out for this generation of Kissin' Cousins I suppose. Good thing my sister can tell us all the signs to watch for - right Erin?



I'm just getting into the thick of Winterguard stuff too so we have been back and forth and forth and back and forth again pretty much since mid-November and there really won't be an end in sight until March. But I love it, I love my ladies, and the girls love all the Nana visits. It'll probably be the last year I can participate since I see big things on the girls Social Horizon, so I'm going to live it up.

Anyway, between all the here and there, we are still trying our best to keep up with the normal, low-key moments of watching a movie together and doing Valentine's crafts (yeah - I'm that Wal-Mart mom that starts with Valentine's on January 2nd and St. Patrick's Day on February 15th and so on) and dress-up Tea Parties.




Oh - and we're still trying to mesh with our new, lunatic, puppy. Fingers crossed it happens soon. We like him when he sleeps. :)



I'm not big on resolutions, but I am going to commit myself to one blog post per month, minimum - because I can make that happen and it feels good to write it all down. Oh and one more cute little note that's mostly just for me so I never forget it, is how Tessa is saying Swiper - "Fwiper no fwiping!". It's seriously presh and so is her ponytail.



Happy Week of Tessa's Party and whatever else you have going on!